The Way Home Light Side A KotOR FanFic
by PloobyWoo
Summary: Takes place after the distruction of the Star Forge... If you like this story, read the Dark Side Version! Thank you for taking the time to read my work. :)


The Way Home

The young woman lay in her bunk, unable to sleep. Throughout her whole adventure, from her escape from Taris right up until the landing on the Star Forge, the quiet hum of the Ebon Hawk's engines around her had been a comforting presence that had soothed her and gently rocked her into sleep. Even after the terrible revelation of her true self… _her former self_, she thinks firmly… as Revan, the Dark Sith Lord… the Hawk had been able to calm her fears and quite her confusion, but not today. Today she had saved the Republic, possibly even the Galaxy. And today she had slain her friend. Bastila was dead. There would be no miracle resurrection, as their had been for herself. No rebuilding of Bastila's memories, as the Jedi Council had done for her. Bastila would not re-immerge with a new identity and a new chance. Bastila was gone. And yet, Miranna had been given that chance and she would need to find a way to get through what she was feeling. _There is no emotion, only peace._ _Bullshit. Tell that to Bastila, _she thinksShaking her head to clear the anger, she refocuses her mind to working through her memories.

She still didn't remember anything of her life as Revan beyond the dreams that she and Bastila had once shared that had led them to the Star Forge. For the first time, Miranna was overcome with fear. She had been too busy putting together the mystery of the Forge and honing her body and her control over the force to think about the woman who she had once been. The Jedi Council had constructed a whole life for her… a false life. The parents that she remembered didn't exist. Neither did the scampy little brother or the disapproving big sister. Not even the little stuffed Bantha that she remembered loving as a child was real. Who had she really been? Did she have a family? Had they willing given her up to the Jedi for training, as Bastila's family had, glad to be rid of a troublesome, gifted child or had there been tears and anguish over loosing their precious daughter? Had she loved, despite the Jedi's disapproval of the emotion? Was their even now a man who mourned her fall to the Dark Side and, ultimately, her "death"? Had she had many friends among the Jedi? Were any of them left alive after the destruction of the academy? Had any of them floated, near death in those barbaric chambers on the Star Forge? Had she watched a friend's Force be consumed by Malek, her former apprentice, as he renewed his own power during that long, anguished final battle? Friends she would possibly never remember? Somehow that thought was more painful than the still healing physical injuries that she had suffered at the hands of Malek… and Bastila.

Flinching from the pain of even thinking her name, Miranna knows that she will have to face these memories. She closes her eyes and sees Bastila in those final moments. She sees the moment when Bastila had realized that even with the constant flow of the Dark Side from the Star Forge, she was still no match for the power of the Light flowing through Miranna. The horror and the regret were naked in her eyes. The pleading for forgiveness in Bastilla's eyes in those final moments had brought Miranna to her knees and she had cradled her dying friend's head in her lap as Bastila's Force had left her.

"Damn it! Why hadn't she turned? What could I have said differently? Why wouldn't she listen?" Miranna muttered, throwing her arms over her face in an attempt to block out the memories that threatened to shatter her fragile control.

"Because that was not her destiny," was the quiet and unexpected answer.

Miranna didn't move. She knew that eventually Carth would come to her, although she had hoped for a bit more time. She wasn't ready to deal with Carth and all that he brought with him.

"Don't blame yourself for Bastila, Miranna. Don't you do that. She made her own decisions. None of this is your fault."

Miranna moves her arms away from her face and half sits up, leaning back on her hands. "Oh, no? Then who the hell's fault is it, Carth? Bastila turned because she touched a taint so evil that she was unable to resist. Oops. That was _my_ taint, Carth. _My_ fault. Bastilla was taken by Malek while giving _me_ a chance to escape back there on Saul's ship. _My_ fault again! Who the hell started this whole war between the Sith and the Republic anyway. Uh, oh! _Me_ again! How can you not see that? How can you still stand there after all that I have done? I as much as killed your wife, Carth. Remember her? I all but tore your son from your arms and tried to taint him, as I did Bastila. Remember Dustil, Carth? Remember your son? _Why are you here?_ How can you still look at me with those eyes… those beautiful, warm," she chokes on a sob and her voice becomes almost a whisper, "loving eyes?"

At this, Carth strides quickly to the bunk, sits and gathers her fiercely into his arms. "Shhhhhh. Don't do this. Please, don't do this. Damn it, woman! Don't fight me. Let me protect you… from yourself. Let me help you."

He rocks her gently back and forth, whispering words that mean nothing, stoking her hair and placing tiny kisses on the top of her head. He holds her as she sobs for all that she had been and all that she had done… letting the un-remembered past flow from her body along with her tears. Eventually she sleeps and Carth lays her down upon the bunk. Stripping down to his skivvies, he joins her there, lying on his side and once again gathering her into his arms, her face cradled against his chest. "Let me help you, Miranna. Let me love you," he whispers as he too falls into a dreamless sleep.

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Miranna comes awake slowly and tires to stretch out her sore muscles and finds that she is trapped. Her eyes fly open and she is confronted with the sight of a well defined, very muscular and uniquely masculine chest; a chest that she knows quite well. The arms that are attached to this chest encircle her tenderly… protectively. She tilts her head up to get a good look at the face that belongs to this gorgeous body and finds herself looking into Carth's soul-baring eyes. The depth of emotion in them is almost tangible. _I'll bet this guy makes a terrible card player. Every emotion he has ever felt can be read in these deep brown eyes._

"Well, good morning, beautiful," he says and leans his head down to kiss her softly.

On a sigh, she replies, "Now it certainly is." Miranna allows herself to feel complete contentment for a moment more and then begins, "About what I said last night…"

"No," Carth quickly leans down for another, longer kiss. "We don't need to do that right now. Hush," he urges, tucking her head under his chin and settling them more comfortably under the blanket.

Despite Carth's refusal to talk, Miranna can't stop her thoughts form returning to last night. Here in Carth's arms, though, she feels strong enough to continue.

Why had Bastila turned to the Dark Side? Why had Bastila not been able to turn Miranna to the Dark Side as well? It wasn't that Miranna was inherently stronger. It wasn't that Bastila's arguments were weak. It wasn't even the Force, exactly. The reason was lying warmly against her and was busy running his strong hands slowly up and down her back... Admittedly, it wasn't only Carth that had saved her. It was Mission and her complete acceptance. It was Canderous and his reluctant conversion. It was Big Z and his unwavering trust. It was Juhani and her near worship. It was Jolee and his grumpy admiration. It was all of these things, but these things were Bastila's, too. What ultimately saved Miranna were Carth and his love. This had made her strong… stronger than Bastila, stronger than Malek, stronger than the ancient, darkly evil Star Forge. The Jedi Council needed to be made to understand that. Love, like the Force, has a Dark Side and a Light Side. You just had to be able to tell from which your love came and recognize should it change. Jolee had tried to tell her that once. She finally understood that now.

Miranna turns onto her stomach and pushes up onto her elbows. Carth looks up at her as she moves half over him and smiles.

"Thank you," she says and places a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"Your welcome. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but what am I being thanked for?"

"Everything."

"Everything, huh? Well, I think that 'everything' requires a little bigger thanks, don't you?"

"Scoundrel," Miranna says on a laugh and leans down again, this time taking his mouth with a barely bridled passion. As she ends the kiss she takes his lush lower lip between her teeth and gives him a little bite. She pulls away and smiles widely.

"How was that?"

"Well…"

"I think your technique is a bit off, Miranna, and you should probably lie fully upon the man. Let him feel all that you have to offer!" Jolee says, striding quickly into the room and opening his footlocker.

As Jolee starts to rummage around through his things, Carth and Miranna first stare at him and then at each other. Recovering somewhat from their shock, Miranna sits back into the corner and Carth swings his legs from the bunk and starts to rise.

Jolee, apparently having found what he was looking for, shuts his footlocker and turns to the couple. Alarmed that Carth might actually stand, Jolee holds his hands up in a warding motion. "You just stay right there where you are. We both know," Jolee says, looking suggestively down at Carth's lap, "that you are in no condition to stand. Or at least not in a condition that I would like to see. I feel inadequate enough these days without having to know just how inadequate I actually am, if you catch my meaning, boy."

"Ummm… Jolee, I'm really sorry about last night… keeping you from your bunk and all," Carth says, running a hand through his hair in a nervous habit that always made him look like an angry Wookie.

"Nonsense," Jolee huffs and starts out of the room. "You two needed a little privacy. Besides, I slept on the cot in the med room. Damn comfortable. But," he stops at the door and turns towards the still in shock couple, "I expect that you two are well aware of that fact, now aren't you?"

Jolee laughs at the twin comical expressions on the lovers' faces… a mixture of complete shock and intense embarrassment… and leaves the room.

Carth and Miranna turn to each other and collapse once again onto the bunk in peals of laughter. When they are able to speak again, Carth says, "I thought we had been so discreet. Do you think they all know?"

"It's a small ship, Carth. Besides, I didn't want to tell you this, but you make a whole lot of strange sounds when you sleep."

"What? Strange sounds? I don't believe it! Besides, they can't be half as bad as some of the sounds you make, sister!"

"Are you implying that I make some sort of un-ladylike sounds when I sleep?"

"Not when you sleep…"

"**What**?!"

"Relax, beautiful! Not _then_ either. But now that you mention it, I really like the sounds you make when we… oof," Carth doubles over as Miranna gives him a quick whack to the gut. Rubbing his stomach, Carth continues, "I was talking about those strange grunting noises you make when you're trying to bash open a locked door. You sound a whole lot like a constipated Wookie."

"And you're familiar with the sounds a constipated Wookie makes?"

"You forget, I share a head with Big Z. Have you seen what he eats?"

"Ahhhhh!" Miranna crawls back onto Carth and puts both of her hands over his mouth. "Don't say another word!"

Muffled through her hands, Carth says something that sounds a lot like, "How are you going to stop me?"

Miranna's smile changes visibly as she slowly removes her hands from his mouth.

"Well. If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, that ought to keep me good and…"

Again, Miranna takes Carth's mouth with her own in a deeply passionate kiss. It is long moments before they contentedly break the kiss and Miranna lays her cheek down onto Carth's chest.

Miranna can hear the beating of Carth's heart and wonders if this sound would be as soothing as the rumble of the Hawk's engines.

"I love you. You know that, right?" Carth asks in almost a whisper that Miranna feels more than she hears. In reply she places a small, tender kiss to his chest and sighs.

"What happens now?" It is Carth who once again breaks the silence.

"With?"

"With the Council, the Senate… this," he gestures vaguely around the room, but it is not just the contents of the ship that he means. It is everything around them as well. The fleet escorting them to Alderan. The Jedi Council awaiting them there. The Republic.

"I don't know. With the destruction of the old academy and the deaths of so many Jedi, I am sure that the Council will keep the remaining Jedi very busy. I am equally as sure that the Senate will want to trot out their newest hero for all to see."

Carth looks into her crystal blue eyes and sees a mirror image of his own face. As she is speaking he tries to read her feelings and finds… nothing. _That must be the Jedi in her. Her face… her beautiful eyes give nothing away. I wish she would give me something to go on… some small indication of her feelings. Damn it! When I am holding her, making love with her, I know in my heart that she loves me. I also know that the Jedi Code forbids this. If she goes back to them, I know that I will have to give her up for both of our sakes, but if she wants me… Damn it, woman! Give me a sign!_

"And what about you? What about Dustil? I am sure that you have made all sorts of plans for when we get back."

Again Carth searches her face for a clue as to what she is feeling. "Me, ah, plans? No… not really. I mean, yes, I need to find Dustil. From all accounts he is still on Korriban. I need to go there and try and get back some of what I lost… some of what I never had. He was right, you know. I wasn't there for him when he was growing up. I loved him and his mother so very much, but I still needed to fly. I still needed to _serve_. I did what I had to do, but… Damn it! I missed so much. If I were to ever have another child, I would not make the same mistakes," he admits, almost to himself.

"Children."

Sitting up a bit, Carth looks down at Miranna who had resumed her position with her cheek resting on his chest. "What?"

Disturbed by his movement, Miranna sits up next to him on the bunk. Calmly she says, "I said, children. You said 'child' and I corrected you. You mean 'children' plural, not 'child' singular."

Sitting up as well and grabbing her hands in both of his. "Damn it, woman! You're doing it again. You've got my whole head spinning! I need for you to plainly answer a question for me. Do you think you can do that? For once?!"

Blinking slowly, Miranna says, "Calm down, Carth. Ask your question and I will answer it as plainly as I am able."

"What happens now… with you and me? The Council will not like this… us. They will try and make you give it up. They will try and keep us apart. And a child… children… need a father _and_ a mother. I don't know if I can live with only a fraction of you, but _I can try_. I love you so very much and I am willing to try. But, children? I couldn't do that to them. You need to know that before you answer."

"The Council will expect me to do a lot of things. The Senate will expect me to do a whole lot more. But neither one can force me to do anything. I have done enough for one lifetime… hell, I've done enough for two. I saved the Republic from the Mandelorians. I brought back the Sith and almost destroyed the very thing I had just saved. I gave the Jedi that life and they gave me a new life. I have repaid them for that second chance by saving the Republic once again. I think the score is even and all debts have been wiped clean. As I see it, I am free to live the remainder of this new life in anyway I see fit. And I see me living it with you, you hairless, _constipated_ Wookie. I see us living on some remote farming planet, raising a herd of…," she waves her hands about trying to think of something they could have a herd of. Drawing a blank she continues, "…_something_ and a whole parcel of kids. I see us years from now, sitting on our front porch while our grandkids play amongst the trees that we planted with our own hands, boring each other to death reliving our past glory. I see…" Miranna was suddenly unable to finish due to the fact that she was being thoroughly kissed by the man she adored and who apparently liked her vision of the future.

"_I see_ that the two of you need a little more time alone," grumbled Jolee from the doorway. Turning away, he shouts over his shoulder, "Come on, boy! Get the job done already. Times a' wasting. We're almost home!"


End file.
